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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22408243">out loud</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/yasi/pseuds/yasi'>yasi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>EastEnders (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Light Angst, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 13:08:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,063</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22408243</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/yasi/pseuds/yasi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by Ben sitting on the kitchen counter and people wanting Callum to stand between his legs. Slightly angsty rather than sexy.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>143</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>out loud</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s early morning, they're in the Mitchells' kitchen and Ben is humming to the music on the radio. He looks fondly over at Callum, who’s cooking them breakfast. </p><p>It’s too early to be up on a day off, but they wanted to make the most of their day together, so they’d got up early. Knowing the house was empty, with Kathy being off to work, they’d taken an indulgently long shower, together, of course. </p><p>They’d come down to the kitchen not 10 minutes ago, with Callum telling Ben to sit down and let him do all the work. Ben had accepted gladly and hopped on to the counter, where he's still sitting now. </p><p>Ben enjoys watching Callum work, observing his hands while he’s cooking. They’re so big, they make everything look small like a child's toy. And so sure and precise. Not at all what Ben expected when they’d first met. He loves those hands and the body they’re attached to. He loves Callum, really. Not that Ben’s said it out loud yet. </p><p>Ben doesn’t know what he’s waiting for. He’s as good as admitted loving Callum, they both know how Ben feels about him. He just hasn’t been able to say it out loud. </p><p>“Ben!” Callum’s loud voice startles Ben out of his thoughts.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I asked how you’d like your eggs. Were you not listening?” Callum tells him. </p><p>“Oh, sorry. I was lost in my thoughts.” Ben clears his throat. “I don’t mind, you can make them however you want to.” </p><p>Callum frowns, sets down the bowl with the egg and milk mixture and goes to Ben. </p><p>Ben opens his legs so that Callum can stand between them, just the way Ben loves. Callum slings his arms over Ben's shoulders and leans down to kiss him softly. They kiss each other over and over again. They linger on their last kiss without turning it to something more. They have time today.</p><p>When Ben opens his eyes, Callum is staring at him. </p><p>“What’s on your mind? Is it the police? Or is it your dad and Louise?” Callum looks away, licks his lips. “Do you regret not going with them? Because you can, you know? You don’t have to stay here just to make me happy.” Callum lets go of Ben, making to step away.</p><p>“What? No! Callum, no!” Ben grabs Callum’s face, stops him from leaving. Callum is still not looking at him. </p><p>“Callum! Look at me, please!” Ben says desperately. After a tense moment Callum finally looks at Ben. </p><p>“I don’t regret staying. Please believe me when I say there is nothing I’d have done rather.” Ben stops for a heartbeat, takes a deep breath. “I was thinking about something else. Something I have to tell you.” He doesn’t know how to go on. Ben knows what he wants to say, what he has to say, just not how. </p><p>“Whatever it is, you can tell me anything. You know that. And this time I won’t run away. Promise!” Callum smiles softly at Ben. Ben returns Callum’s smile, his eyes crinkling, he kisses Callum once more, lingering, savouring that he gets to do this again. </p><p>“I love you,” Ben whispers into Callum’s lips. Closing his eyes, he repeats: “I love you, Callum. So much.” There, Ben’s finally said it. His chest feels tight.</p><p>A gentle touch to his chin makes Ben open his eyes. Callum is looking at him, his eyes shiny, smiling that private smile Ben adores.</p><p>“Yeah?” Callum asks, whispers really. </p><p>“Yeah!” Ben answers him. “Yeah, I’m in love with you. Have been for a while. I just couldn’t say it out loud.”</p><p>Callum frowns again, his smile disappears. “Why?” </p><p>“Because putting it out there, that I love you, makes it real. I felt like I would have been inviting disaster if I’d said it out loud. Paul...” Ben closes his eyes, swallows, licks his lips. Opening his eyes again, he goes on. “Once I’d said to Paul that I loved him everything turned bad. He got killed. I didn’t wanna risk that happening with you. I don’t think my heart could handle that much pain again. I just wanted to keep it to myself for a while, keep it safe.” </p><p>Callum is looking at Ben like his heart is breaking. Ben feels exposed. His chest feels even more tight now. He lets go of Callum.</p><p>“Never mind,” he shakes his head. This time it’s Ben who looks away. “Not like I didn’t hurt you, anyway, broke your heart and made you leave at Christmas.”</p><p>“Hey, hey, hey!” Callum’s hands grab Ben’s face. “I know you did what you did, because you wanted to keep me away from all that drama. Because you wanted to keep me safe. But you don’t have to do that anymore. You know I can handle whatever is going on in your life. Just tell me the truth, no more secrets. Everything else we can figure out as we go on.”</p><p>Ben doesn’t know how he got so lucky with Callum. He says so, makes Callum grin.</p><p>“I guess you have someone looking out for you up there.” Callum gestures up, his eyes shining. “And for me! Why else would we have met the way we did?” </p><p>Ben can’t help himself; he has to taste that smile. Something settles inside him, the tightness making way, like his heart is finally beating properly again. It’s like he’s finally come home, with Callum here by his side. Ben goes to deepen the kiss, but Callum pulls himself away, making Ben chase his lips with closed eyes.</p><p>When Ben opens his yes again, Callum is back at the stove, the bowl back in his hand. Ben pouts. </p><p>“Now, before you distract me from our breakfast – again – tell me how you want your eggs this morning. And no whatever I want. I wanna make them the way you like them. So?” Callum’s looking expectantly at Ben, trying to look all stern. </p><p>Ben laughs out loud, hops off the counter and goes to tell his man how he wants his eggs. In this moment Ben doesn’t care about all the drama that’s going on in his life, of what’s still to come. He just wants to spend this morning, this moment, with Callum. And anything else? They can figure it out as they go on, just as Callum said.</p>
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